The Right to Poop

 Although we’ll have public water, the public sewer does not yet extend out onto the mountain, so in order to build, I have to have a poop permit. Well, around here, it’s a permit for a septic system, and I wanted a conventional septic system. They’re less expensive and easier to maintain than alternative systems. Back in my misspent youth, I might have wanted to install an environmentally friendly alternative system, but alas…. And Mother, having grown up with an outhouse and slop jar has no interest in “back to nature.” Can’t say I blame her. Indoor plumbing and running water are gifts from whatever gods you happen to believe in.
So, back to the dreaded “perc test.” If the land doesn’t perc, no poop permit. I’ve had the perc test explained and I think it boils down to: Depth and breadth of good soil above water table.

Conventional septic permits are hard to come by in Wise County because we sit on rock sifted over with thin soil. I never understood geology, taking a geology course only because I needed another lab science and passing it only because Deb Sterling Cole lent me her notes, so I aced the final, leading my puzzled, sweet professor to delicately explore with me why I  had gone from Ds to an A. He completely understood when I told him I’d used Deb’s notes; he knew her, and knew she aced everything and that her notes would be golden. Unfortunately, though I had her notes, I didn’t, and still don’t, have her brain.

We have about 20 acres but are limited in where we can build: access, power poles, and pooping had to be considered.

As you can see (I hope the image is clear), the land is shaped a bit like an ax.

And Grandaddy made a living here: apples were the cash crop and chickens, milk cow, pig, and vegetable garden allowed them to eat well during the depression, and to send two daughters to college. Grandmother made clothes from flour sacks. Mother said since nobody had anything anyway, she didn't know they were poor.

From the main road, the land drops sharply, then rises up a hill….pretty, but cutting a gently sloping drive would be problematic…and setting power poles.
My preference was to build down toward the point, away from the main road, on what we’ve always called the bean field…for the obvious reason. However, I would have had to set two or three power poles, and either get an easement onto a very steep private road or cut a fairly long driveway.

So, the relatively level spot up by the road that Mother said had been the new orchard, back when she was a child. No apple trees remain, though I have a very good crop of poison ivy.

Not much of a market for it, as far as I can ascertain.

To perc: Chris from the Health Department came out,

with his bag of tools

drilled a hole

laid out the soil -- missing the target of 36 - 38 inches

compared soil color to the book and that went into plus column

fingered the soil for texture

repeated the process several times

AND THEN I FLUNKED THE POOP TEST!!!


Brought in the bulldozer, did some trenching. Chris found a spot for the drainfield and that rarity in Wise County, Virginia: a conventional poop permit!!!!!